Our Most Precious Faith
Complementarianism
Turn to Ephesians 5. Many of you are likely familiar with a gentleman by the name of Matt Walsh, who is known for attending college campuses and various rallies and randomly asking the question of people, “What is a woman?” And of course, the answers come from many different perspectives, and so it would seem from listening to the culture that the definition of a man or a woman is something that is getting harder to define all the time. One of the most common responses when students are asked, what is a woman? are responses such as a woman is someone of power, strength, love, sisterhood, independence, and someone who breaks barriers. It really comes down to a choice, something that people grow into, as their responses give the indication that someone becomes a woman more than is a woman, as you could not possess all these attributes from birth.
But as you listen to a variety of answers, we could say that the responses of college and university students are confusing at best. So, I went to the University of Toronto’s website—not to the students—but to the website itself to some final answers that may give clearer definition to help us here this morning. When searching under gender and orientation there was an article which was written by the university in 2017 giving explanations of orientation—not orientation of male or female, but orientation of humans in general. So, I have to admit, I got a little sidetracked. The article was addressing that it has been assumed that all humans originated as apes somewhere in Africa. But the University of Toronto article was disputing this, saying that there has been a great change in thinking in recent years, as new information now suggests that the human/chimpanzee split now occurred somewhere in Europe. Well, that may or may not be comforting, that higher education has moved us from Africa to Europe but still coming from chimpanzees. At this point I was hesitant to go any further with University of Toronto, thinking that if they believed that we originated from apes, I was not going to trust their thoughts on gender identity.
So, I thought I would go to a more neutral sight, that did not have any statements on our orientation as humans, and that was the Canadian government, and being hopeful that it was helpful in giving a better understanding of our sexuality. Now unfortunately, I cannot read the entire article written in 2021 which was brief, only six pages long and very simple. But I can share with you some of the highlights. It said that gender identity refers to the gender that a person feels internally and individually. It said that gender expression, on the other hand, refers to the way a person presents their gender, regardless of their gender identity. So, this is saying that even if a person feels to be one sex, whether that is their born sex or not, they can express themselves in the other sex. So, technically, you could have someone born as a male, who feels they are a woman, but who wishes to express themselves as a male, nonetheless. Or they could be born as a female, and they feel like a female, yet they may choose to express themselves as a male. It also said that a person’s gender may be fluid as it may change over time, and also, that some people may not identify with a specific gender. But it did agree that for most people, their sex at birth corresponds to their gender, now that part made sense to me!
It also said that the concept of gender is also different from that of sexual orientation, as it is an umbrella term that includes a person’s sexual identity, sexual attraction and sexual behaviour. Therefore, they said, as a government, that they are fully supportive of the term LGBTQ2+, an acronym for lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer, Two-Spirit or another identity of gender or sexual diversity. It also said that they understood that when filling out forms for Stats Canada that some people may be reluctant to provide an answer to the question on gender or may give a different answer depending on the context in which it was asked.
So, after reading this, I thought, now I understand, and thought that if you were the average Canadian growing up today you would have to grow up trying to make sense of the fact that we evolved from monkeys, and that our gender—whether male or female—is not determined at birth, but is something that can be determined later in life that may change over time but may not change over time, or possibly be determined or maybe it will never be fully realized. And that you could be born as a man but choose to be a woman. Or you could be born as a woman, and choose to be a woman, but identify as a man. And you could feel very good about expressing yourself this way, possibly.
Now some people seem to be very sure of these confused descriptions and hold them decisively. But the guidelines and descriptions could change in the future as more information is accumulated, as it said that this was their statement as of September ‘2021. Now I also believe that there are other people who are likely confused when reading this, though they may not have an opinion on it one way or the other, believing that if someone wants to follow their own feelings, more power to them. And then there are those who may have a more traditional belief but may be somewhat fearful of sharing it, depending on if it may cost them in their present position at work or later career or just their acceptance with others who may or may not agree with the government statement.
See, what is happening in society is a watering down or a dampening of differences between men and women. And as we are trying to highlight the unique qualities of men and women, while at the same time our society and leadership will not be firm on what a man or woman is. Now admittedly, some of the source of that opposition started from the perception of male dominance, where men ruled and conquered and women had to live under that harsh submission. So, society tried to squash gender roles or perceived gender roles and obscure the differences between males and females. Result, the questioning of the identity of real men and women. And then some of these views started to gain momentum within the church, causing a number of church leaders to come together, feeling it was time that something should be made clear for churches to know what the Bible said about males and females. And the result came through what is now known as the Danvers Statement written in 1988, which is a description of complementarianism, the view that men and women are equal in worth but have distinct, complementary roles in the home and in the church.
And the meaning of complementary is to complete, or to beautify and that the greatest display of God’s glory comes when the differences between men and women are embraced. And the two errors that these church leaders were trying to address was one, the abuse of women on the one side by male domination; and two, negation of gender differences. John Piper said that we must resist the impulses of a chauvinistic or dominating or abusive culture, but that we also must resist any movement to ignore sex or gender, any movement toward a unisex culture. As Piper said that though we might describe the male-chauvinistic side as something extremely demeaning for women, which it is; but also, a clouding of the sexes is also demeaning for women as it tries to mask the very important and unique qualities of women that are superior to men. Therefore, there is the importance of teaching our children the great difference between men and women, so that they grow up as healthy human beings, as healthy men and women. Otherwise, they will grow up insecure and likely dysfunctional on many fronts and completely miss the beauty and depth of what it means to be a man and what it means to be a woman. So, I suppose that if we go to the universities and other places of higher learning, or if we go to our government, we find that we will receive a very different explanation of men and women than what we would find in the Bible. For the Bible makes some very strong statements about men and women: that both were made in the image of God; that they were created from birth either as a male or a female, as nobody is generic; and that both were created with different roles.
I read a story about two college students who showed up at the same church on their first Sunday in the fall away at school in Chicago. The church was very full and when the one student, a young man, walked in he could hardly find an empty seat except one which was by a young girl, the other college student in the story. As he went to sit down, he politely asked her if he could sit beside her and she said “yes.’ Neither had been to the church before, but they found themselves both responding favourably to the singing and the message. After the service, they started to talk to each other for some time and found out that they both attended the same university. Eventually he said to her, “Can I treat you to lunch?” And she said, “Well, I was supposed to meet with some girlfriends, but I can cancel.” And of course he smiles. He said he would take her to a restaurant that he knew about as he was just there with his Mom and Dad when they dropped him off for school a few days earlier, that they would have to walk for about ten minutes and then take a short subway ride.
While they were walking together toward the subway, they told each other about themselves, that he was not very athletic but was very intelligent, hoping to eventually get his masters in some kind of science. And that she, by contrast, was involved in a number of school sports. In fact, had received a scholarship for she had her black belt in martial arts and was one of the top three martial arts women in the state. So, they eventually took the subway and as they were getting off where they are still down below, they see that there was no one else around. When a couple of rough guys walked up to them and point-blank said we want her purse and his wallet. And they also stared at her, making both students very uneasy and wondering what they may be thinking. Now, thinking about this threat, he knows that she has already told him that she has a black belt, and that he is not really much of an athlete himself. Yet, he quickly grabs her arm and pushes her behind him and tells her to run, and he tells the men that if they touch her, it would be over his dead body.
Well, that was the last thing he remembers as he was knocked out and was in an ambulance with her leaning over him in the back. And as she stared at him, she thought, Lord, if I ever get married, this is the kind of guy I would like to marry. When he came to during the ride, he immediately saw her and asked if she was okay and she said “yes.” And then he said, “What happened to those two guys?” And she said, “Well, somehow, they both got their teeth kicked in and were both on their way to the hospital.” See, this is not about giftedness, who has the most money, who is smarter, who is the best athlete. In other words, it doesn’t matter who is superior in one area or another. Yet notice he took the initiative and asked if he could sit with her. He also took the initiative and asked if she would like to go out to lunch. He said, can I treat you? and he picked the restaurant. And he also stood in front of her and not behind her when they were threatened. And what we see in this story is the heart of the man to take the lead and we see the heart of the woman to respond to him. Our statement says this:
We believe that God uniquely created male and female as complementary expressions of the image of God. Yet God has specifically given men, who are deemed to be qualified by the church, the task to serve as elders and deacons. It is also the biblical role of husbands to lead their wives and children.
They are to complement each other. These complementary qualities are exactly as we studied last Sunday, that the man is the one in a marriage who is to have an understanding love and give sacrificial leading and the woman in marriage is to be the devoted follower and who shows loving respect. And the reason I like these terms is that they demonstrate their complementary expressions. That the man is proactive, he sets his love on her, and he is willing to take the leadership. And that the woman is the responder as she shows her devotion by following him and she responds to him with respect.
If you have your Bibles open at Ephesians 5 look at (vs 22) “Wives, be subject (place yourself under his lead) to your own husbands.” Why? Is there a problem with the culture at this time in the New Testament? Is this just a good way of helping a marriage relationship work well? In other words, it is just good practical advice here by Paul. Why? (vs 23) “For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church.” That is a deep answer for what seems to be a simple question. Interesting that Paul is not giving marriage counseling that might eliminate some of the marriage problems of the day. No, he is actually commanding the proper pattern for marriage based upon a greater principle, Christ and the church. For (vs 24) “the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything.” And (vs 25) “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her.” And the wife (vs 33) is to “see to it that she respects her husband.”
We spoke last Sunday that the husband and wife were to mirror the marriage of Christ and the church. The husband, the actions of Christ; and the wife, the actions of the church. It would be hard for that young man at university to not understand his unique role of protecting and leading if he knew this passage. And it would hard to interpret the phrase that the husband is the head of the wife any other way. Now this does not mean harshness or being abusive, for this standing in front of the girl is not a willingness to be the king of the castle, it is about the willingness to sacrificially defend her, as this is seen by him as his responsibility. This is like a husband that when problems come up within a family, when something tragic happens, when a child goes on the wrong path, when the bank calls about a missed payment, as this is not about rights and power; it is about the weight of responsibility upon the leader. In our story, the girl was more gifted in defending herself than he was, but that was not even on the radar in the mind of the man. And as she looked at him in the ambulance, it was his willingness to take the lead that attracted him to her, whether he had greater skill, more money, more intelligence or not, as her primary initiative was to respond.
Yet many churches would believe this all to be merely culture. That this is simply the way in which people have grown up and so have this traditional lifestyle that the culture today is trying to erase. But what we learn from Ephesians 5 is much more than tradition, as it is a calling for the husband to take Christ-like leadership that willingly sacrifices, protects, and provides. And is an instruction to the wife of her role to affirm that calling by God. Affirm is a very important word here. That is why the Bible says that Eve was made as a helpmate to Adam. Genesis 2:18, “It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him.” A helper, not a clone, I am going to guess that Eve looked very different from Adam. As God created them different as male and the female, not just physically, but in how God made them unique socially and mentally.
Now this same principle is also part of the church, not in the exact way, but in a similar way. It does not include women to all men nor men to all women. But it does make a distinction that the leadership of the church, that those who are elders and deacons are to be men. And to be submitted to by the whole congregation, including men and women, but also, with a distinction on certain roles within the church between men and women. For one, in the choosing of elders, the Bible refers to qualified men. And in the choosing of deacons, it refers again to qualified men. And secondly, in the teaching of God’s Word, the Bible says that women should not teach men. Therefore, the same structure in marriage—husband head and wife submission—is to be the model of the ultimate example of Christ Head and church submission and is to have a similar bearing within the church.
Paul wrote to Timothy (1 Tim 2:12) “But I do not allow a woman to teach or exercise authority over a man.” Piper says that the authority refers to the divine calling of gifted spiritual men to take primary responsibility as elders who are Christ-like servant leaders and who teach within the church, and that submission refers to the divine calling of the rest of the church to honour and affirm that leadership and that teaching and to be equipped by it for the hundreds and hundreds, Piper says, of various ministries available to men and women in the service of Christ. Do you ever think of those various ministries that can be done by either men or women? They are many? That if you have a heart for God and a heart for ministry, there are so many ways in which you can minister, whether you are a man or a woman. In fact, there are many opportunities that women have because of their uniqueness, that men do not. I have only ever taught a woman’s class once. It was in Blind River, and the women asked me to share with the women at one of their special events, a one-shot deal. I can’t remember what I was asked to share on and not sure why I accepted. But I was really uncomfortable. I was so nervous. And not that there is anything in the Bible to forbid a man teaching a ladies’ class, other than maybe having the common sense to say “no.”
And I suppose we might study this topic this morning and wonder how the church could get this wrong. Not that there are not challenges in fulfilling all that God has asked of us as husbands and wives and as men and women in the church, but the fact that so many have plainly rejected this clear teaching. And so, I would like to end with six questions to help us with this this. As it is good for us to be reminded of the authority of the Bible and why we believe what we believe. Question #1:
- What about Paul’s statement in Galatians 3:28?
Paul wrote this to the Galatians:
“There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free man, there is no male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.”
Galatians 3:28 (LSB)
This is a verse that has been used by those who would hold to an egalitarian view, a view held by many churches that try to eliminate any differences between men and women as far as the roles of men and women in the church. And for them would also eliminate role differences in the home. Yet, that would be a hard argument to make from this verse, for there are those who are Jewish and those who are not, there are those who were slaves and those who were free. And Paul does not try to cover up these distinctives, as he gave special instructions to Jews and other special instructions to Gentiles. He also encouraged both masters and Christian slaves to relate to one another that would bring honour to the gospel. He told Onesimus to go back a serve his master Philemon.
Now, nowhere did Paul praise slavery, but his goal was to teach the proper conduct of both the slave and his master, and nowhere did Paul eliminate nationality. And for Paul to give such instruction to the proper roles of men and women, when he was about to teach that those roles are all eliminated by Galatians 3:28 does not make any sense. In fact, I would say that the one who reads Galatians 3:28 with the intend of eliminating gender distinctions, misses completely the great celebration of the verse, which sees all believers of every nationality, every social level, whether a man or a woman are now all brothers and sisters in Christ. In other words, that yes, we do come from many cultural backgrounds. We have those who have very little and those who are very wealthy and we have men and women and children who are also very different. Yet, in Christ, we are all one. And this is why the church is a place that does not eliminate nationality or position or sex, but is a place where, as Timothy George writes, there is no racism, materialism, or sexism, but a rejoicing together as a family of all nationalities, all monetary levels, and both men and women. Question #2:
- What about a church or mission that has been blessed that does not hold to our position?
Some may come along and give an example of a church that is reaching people, yet has female teachers who are teaching men or has female elders, or what about those people on the mission field who are led by a woman, where a woman in every sense is acting as a pastor-shepherd of a group of people. I would respond to these as merely pragmatic arguments, where there may be those who are disregarding some truth in the Bible and yet there is still fruit. As certainly God uses our weaknesses and our frail faith at times to be used for His glory but does not give to us the right to disregard such clear teaching simply because we might see “success” or “blessing” elsewhere.
We had said earlier that Paul told Timothy that he did not allow a woman to teach a man, he does not base his argument on the tone of his current culture. But he goes on to say the reason. He says “for” the woman was deceived. In other words, his reasoning is not based on something that is different today compared to New Testament times. His reasoning is based upon Eve and creation. This is the same with his reasoning regarding the roles of husbands and wives, as he bases them on the created order of men and women, not on something that is current in the culture. We must remember that when we hold to a position it cannot be for pragmatic reasons or how we might feel. As our position on an issue must be biblical, in other words, here is what the Bible says, and this is why we believe it. Question #3:
- Are we better when God says “no” to everyone than only to “some”?
This is one of those middle-of-the-night thoughts. That it would seem that we are often better if God says “no” to a specific action for all. In other words, that God had declared that something is wrong for all Christians to do. Yet we might struggle when God tells us, “You cannot do this,” but somebody else can. For this fights against our upbringing from the world’s perspective, that you can be all that you want to be. We get this all the time from musicians or athletes, that if you believe in yourself, you can do this. We may read today statements like: I am allowed to ask for what I want and what I need; I am allowed to feel good; I am complete as I am, others simply support me; I am content and free from pain; I am growing and I am going at my own pace; I am in charge of how I feel and I choose to feel happy; or I am listening and open to the messages the universe has to offer today. Now those have got to be some of the “hokiest” statements I have ever read. I know I tend to be a little on the positive side, but those are ridiculous, aren’t they?
And what we have been taught in our culture is that I can be what someone else is and that has ramifications across the board. For we live in a culture that is afraid to say “no.” A culture that refuses to be honest. A culture that is afraid to fail anyone. And this teaching that differentiates between men and women may be hard for us to swallow for we are influenced by the world. But ought not to be disgruntled about the things that you cannot do as a woman, but relish in the freedoms that you have been given as women. We should not always talk about this in a negative way. Many women excel in gifts of hospitality, mercy, teaching, evangelism, helping, and serving, as so much of the local church depends on women. Women can teach a women’s class much better than I can. Women can be filled with the Holy Spirit. Women are called to minister to others. Women have the responsibility of proclaiming the gospel to the lost. Question #4:
- Why hold to such a divisive issue?
Why make such a big deal of this? Well, it is rooted in Ephesians 5, and its principles are closely related to the truth of the gospel. And marriage is the gospel in portrayal, husband head and wife submission, Christ and the church. And I would add that eventually a church that does not submit to the clear teaching in the Bible will at some point malfunction in other ways. And because it is divisive, the other temptation for us is to put this on the backburner, and not to address it, so that we do not offend those who would not see this in their marriage or see this within the church. But we cannot do that, as we cannot judge God’s principles as given in His Word, simply because we do not want to offend. Question #5:
- What should we teach the next generation?
We need to express to our children that we love being godly men or we love being godly women. And when our children want to know the difference between a woman and a man it must be more than the physical differences, and it must be more than character qualities such as kindness, gentleness, strong faith, courage, for those are true of both. As we must teach our children that men have been given the role to provide and care for and lead, and that men are to love their wives and to be pure. And that women have such a unique role of following the leadership of their husbands, and caring for their children and family, and teach them the wonderful opportunities of woman ministry, and the special and unique qualities that women have in honouring God. For the need to teach our children these things is great, as it would seem that the general trend is going to be to move further away from biblical truth. Though I would say this that through the influence of ministries such as TGC and T4G, there has been a strong movement to counter the cultural trend. But this will be an ongoing battle for the churches who wish to defend the truth of the Bible. Finally, question #6:
- Should we not be thankful for our unity on this issue?
I cannot express enough of the contentedness of our stand here at Elim, as there seems to be little push back to move in a different direction. So, we have male elders and male deacons and the men sharing. There are other areas where the Scriptures are quieter on the specifics such as ushers and music leaders and those who would give announcements. But I believe there is wisdom in being careful here, and therefore, we do tend to promote men in those very visual roles. And on the other hand, there could not be a better group of women in a church. The depth of the ladies here at Elim is outstanding and it is a tremendous strength of this church. And that contentment by our women results in the same thing where a wife is content with her role in her family, which often is unity and peace. If someone asks me about Elim certainly words that I would use to describe it would be spiritual depth, harmony, and sincere love for one another and unity in doctrine, and for that we must be very thankful. As unity and peace are an attraction. Just as a family that greatly enjoys each other is attractive, as it is a blessing to be at that home and in that kind of church.
Let’s pray. Lord, we thank You for the peace and unity we enjoy at Elim, where men and women are truly brothers and sisters in Christ. We thank You for your instruction to us that enables us to live as You have chosen and not like we are taught by the world. So, may we be faithful to do all that You have commanded us. Why? Because the church is precious to You and because our homes are precious to You. So, may we teach our children the value in being a godly man and in being a godly woman. And all God’s people said, amen.